Skip to main content

(Another) Year End Post

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
Bleh. That's probably one of the most over-tweeted cliche-teenage-phrase that I've ever read.

Terlalu optimis kadang malah bikin segalanya terdengar lebih pathetic, be true sedikit lah, lo mau tersenyum atas berakhirnya hidup seseorang karena, "yaa untung lah dia pernah idup :)"? Oke terlalu ekstrim, but you got the point. 'Tho, too pesimistic isn't a good thing either. Solusinya? Ada yang bilang jangan selalu melihat ke belakang, tapi tetap aja -mengutip Sarah Deshita lewat omnibus Memoritmo- what kind of heart doesn't look back? That's super true. But in my own case people wud say to me, "what kind of person always looks back?!" Hahaha.

Berhubung udah tanggal 30, just like what I always did, I decided to post some recount about what had been going on this past 11 months. Karena di akhir adalah waktu paling lazim dan normal untuk melihat ke belakang (alibi). There was so much going on yet it seemed like a year wasn't really as long as a year should be, kayak baru banget naik kelas 12, eh taunya minggu depan udah smt2, sicko!

Tahun ini buat gue adalah periode dimana banyak permulaan yang baru terjadi dan di sisi lain juga waktu beberapa hal berakhir, memories earned lessons learned things figured, meskipun kalo liat private blog ya isi 28/36 posts tahun ini topiknya sama (exc. songs and poems that related to it haha). What a waste of a year... Tapi gue harap sih lebih dari teenage-shitty-issue yang terlalu menjamur itu yaa seperti yang gue bilang tadi: memories earned lessons learned

dan dari ratusan foto mosaik ini arza sang dementor tetep paling mencolok...
.

Agaetis Byrjun
Itu persis judul postingan pertama gue taun 2012 (bukan di blog ini), judul album/single-nya Sigur Ros yang artinya: The Good Beginning. Wakaka betapa optimisnya gue. Atmosfernya persis kayak sekarang kan tuh, lovely rainy wheather. Meskipun setelahnya jauh dari kata itu, tapi awal taun 2012 tetep momen-momen paling menggembirakan buat gue, mungkin akan berlaku dalam timespan yang lumayan lama, mungkin aja kan who knows. 
Jamannya nonton The People's Party sama Foster The People, lumayan banyak undangan hajatan 17an wakak, terus jamannya hura-hura gabut kelas 11 yang kerjaannya ke sekolah cuma setor muka-absen-ngobrol-main ipad-(ehem) liat-liat 'pemandangan' sebelum pada lulus-jajan ke koperasi-ngegosip, ah pokoknya nggak pernah deh tuh meratiin pelajaran selain matematika Bu Pur dan selalu kalangkabut kalo tf udah di depan mata hahaha, terus kalo ngerjain pr selalu sebelum bel tadarus. Jaman-jaman gue punya aja waktu buat nulis, entah draft-draft yang nggak kelar itu ataupun dikejar deadline takitri, huwee I miss those :') 
It was a period of time when I felt so blessed and everything seemed so right, it even might be the first and only time when reality finally better than dreams and, once again, everything felt so right. You know those times when everything you did felt right, when every step you took felt so light, and pop songs finally makes sense? Bagi gue itu masanya. I'm sure you can guess what was going on during that period haha. Gue emang sedangkal itu rupanya...namanya juga remaja yegak wkwk.

Lost #ea
Lalu tai pun kembali terlihat seperti tai.
Ups pardon my French. Nggak lama setelah itu hari-hari gue dihujani pertanyaan "adek kenapa?" dan tiap hari ada aja orang yang pengen gue telen. Masa-masa baru ngerti kalo perfection itu beneran ada tapi bentaaaar banget. Rasanya pengen marah tapi gatau siapa yang salah. Shock kayaknya gue gara-gara semua mendadak ilanglanglang tanpa permisi jderjder. Mendadak gue jadi vulnerable abis sampe jijay markijay sendiri ngingetnya, terus udah reality ngga indah, tidur pun nightmare wakakaka. Berakhirnya masa jabatan di takitri my baby huhu. Udah gitu the shittiest of all, got rejected from one of my little dream: magang di Kompas. Bro udah ke tahap wawancara bro...trs dilepeh mentah-mentah gara-gara jadwalnya ga sesuai haftt I cried so hard alay ngetz... Ah jadi pengen nangis lagi. Tapi disamping itu pertengahan 2012 bagus kok, banyak libur karena kelas 12nya ujian macem-macem jadi hedon lagi deh :'D Liburan ke bandung berempat sama aysha arza acid terus ke Bali sama acid aysha (yang bikin gagal magang)~ Dopeee. Oh terus Nadik dapet Arsi UI wihuw. Abis itu juga kelas 11 lagi solid-solidnya ah sayang ipa i bgt lahh apalagi waktu FB8 ASC. Itu kayak "mono no aware" (frase jepang, males jelasin) kelas 11 gitu, yang sepertinya juga menandai akhir dari kebahagiaan masa SMA gitu bro... syo syad. Ah kangen kelas 11 dan Bali banget jadinya.

Outro
*lagu M83 berkumandang*
Nah iya gitu kayanya semakin ke akhir taun ritmenya sama kayak Outro-nya M83 datar...terus naik karena mono no aware lagi.
Mulai kelas 12, hidup cuma diisi kata bimbel dan belajar, terus mau ikutan ambis tapi selalu nggak bisa :'D Idup jadi semonoton itu: Try Out inten, TO at home seminggu, progress 1-2 minggu, TO lagi, dan diulang... Apa ya kayaknya emang gitu doang. Lalu hari-hari gue dipenuhi perdebatan "mau masuk mana" sama orang tua gue, "Mama maunya kamu ekonomi! tapi terserah kamu..." "Aku mau komas..." "Hah? Ga salah? Ngapain kamu lalalahoek" "Yaudah psikologi" "kamu kan terlalu perasa mana bisa lalalala" pffft yea rite 'terserah kamu'. Anyway, pasti atas kehendak-Nya juga gue masuk jurusan yang terbaik kan. Terus di akhir-akhir tahun ini gue (lagi-lagi) melewati kegagalan aha aha aha. Jadi ada lomba music journalism dari FEUI kalo menang dimuat di NYLON dan internship disana. Gila ini mah mimpi diatas mimpi. Kalo lo tanya kenapa gue lebih memuja NYLON daripada kompas jawabanya sesimpel "because they write their soul into it". Lebih paittt daripada ditolak cowo kali ye meskipun gue ga nangis sih kali ini....yaudahlah emang kemampuan gue belom seberapa.


Mungkin 2012 gue sangatlah datar dibanding 2012 anda-anda semua yang lagi baca, tapi percaya atau ngga 2012 beneran bikin gue belajar banyak. Yang gue yakin by the time the clock hits 00.00 in 2013 gue yakin gue udah lebih dewasa dari tahun lalu, pede kan gue. Dan banyak pelajaran idup *cailah* yang nggak bisa gue tulisin semua disini. Dua pelajaran yang paling besar dari tahun ini: 1.  Mimpi itu ada untuk dikejar, meskipun tahun ini belum berhasil bukan berarti gue loser. Someone taught me so much about dreams, dan yang gue tau kuncinya adalah kita harus berani; menghadapi kegagalan dan hal-hal lain menuju mimpi itu dan jangan menyerah kalo kata D'Masiv. 2. Dan yang nggak kalah penting adalah, meskipun dalam satu tahun ini banyak banget perubahan dalam hidup gue dan seberapa banyak pun orang yang walk in and walk out from my life, there'll always be these people who sticks around no matter what and how. And I love you guys so much ({})

And in the end of this post -in contrary of what I said in the prologue- I want to say that, rather than keep regretting the past and cry because it ends, in the end the only thing we'd better do is smile, no matter how cliche it sounds~

I SURVIVED 2012 AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Comments

  1. ykw tisy i really like the way you blog T u T enak banget baca tulisan lo!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. hehehe thank you cannnnnn :* :$

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Kata Lain di Balik Kata Lainnya

Kamu tau, kalau kamu selalu membuatku ingin berkata-kata? Meskipun hampir semua yang terlontar getir, tapi aku menyimpanmu dengan manis di antara lembaran kata yang tidak akan pernah kamu baca --yang kadang-kadang menggerogotiku dari dalam. Lebih baik tidak ada yang tau, termasuk juga kamu, karena memang tidak ada yang perlu tau. Dan sekonyol apapun ini terdengar, aku harap suatu saat kamu terbangun dari tidurmu, kemudian ada suatu rasa baru yang menyusup di rongga dadamu. Karena saat itu -untuk pertama kalinya- mimpi kita beresonansi. dari renungan sepanjang Cipularang

So-called Holiday. Yawn.

Behold, fasten your seat belt, cause it's d-4 of......senior year. SAY WHAAAADDD. Horor coy... Selalu deg-degan sendiri ya bayanginnya, tapi mau gimana lagi :') udah di depan mata. Harus ambis nih, biarpun gue nggak ngerti gimana caranya jadi ambis, biarpun mau seambis apapun rapot semester 3&4 udah terlalu hopeless buat undangan, tapi yaudah lah ya. Dan gue masih bingung mau akuntansi, manajemen, atau teknik industri. Dan bingung kenapa pilihan gue susah semua huakaka. Nih ya kalo fti itb misalkan 100% undangan berarti gue tinggal backroll ke empang, berarti gue cuma bisa milih fakultas yang ada mandirinya since tertulis udah nggak ada. Masalahnya lagi minat gue kepecah di ipa dan ips, padahal gue ga bakal kuat ipc, dan dua-duanya fakultas favorit. Pokoknya gue cuma sanggup ipa atau ips murni. Berarti mesti mantepin salah satu dari itu... Parbet senin udah kelas 3 tapi arah idup masih gajelas. Istikharah deh... Bismillah. Anywaysss daripada stres sebelum waktunya (pa...
I'll probably delete this later, all i know is that I need to pour this out right now My daddy always give me, my mom, and my brother a bar of chocolate on valentine's day, the one with the writings from the store so he shouldn't write anything on it anymore. Maybe for some, valentine's day is stupid lame silly whatsoever. I don't really into valentine's day too before, but when the moment's there, I always feel the warmth in my heart of how my family loving each other seriously and wholeheartedly. And now when I'm not there to receive any hugs or chocolates, I really miss that silly lame but cute tradition of my family. I got nothing here, nothing at all. I miss my family so fricking much it turns me into some pathetic lonely girl on saturday night. I've been meaning to call my mom but she's busy hanging out with dad tonight (and their friends). I want a love like that. If there's any love I want to have with my future husband, at least it h...

Ordinary

Since you came along, my days are ordinary. We laugh just like yesterday, And I kiss you like the day before, And I hold you just like ordinary. Perhaps when the day is new, We'll find tomorrow is just ordinary too.

Love Like a Sunset, Pt.II - Phoenix (Day 2 - Song with number on the title)

Salah satu lagu favorit gue sepanjang masa! Lagunya ngga sampe 2 menit karena lanjutan dari Love Like a Sunset, Pt.I yang lebih panjang. Ini kalo dibawain live kedua lagu tersebut indahnya ga karuan. Lebih suka part kedua karena membawakan emosi kelemahan gue, yang adalah acceptance . Musiknya melankolis dengan tetap terasa hopeful dan ga menye-menye. Pesannya juga sangat indah dan efektif disampikan dalam 1 menit 46 detik tersebut: [Verse 1] Acres A visible horizon Right where it starts and ends Oh, when did we start the end? [Verse 2] Acres A visible illusion Oh, where it starts, it ends Love like a sunset Di verse pertama, sunset diceritakan sebagai awal dari suatu akhir; alias lah kok tiba-tiba udah mau selesai hubungan ini?! Kemudian di verse kedua langsung masuk ke fase berterima, bahwa hal yang dimulai pasti akan berakhir juga. Bagi gue lagunya menggambarkan relationship / perasaan yang indah banget tapi cuma sebentar -dan masih indah until the very end. Jadi inget pernah dapet...

Thermodynamics

I could spend all day watching you smile and listen to your stories because that's when everything finally felt right again. I'll be talking to you all day discussing silly million ideas to spend our holiday because I love how it makes me feel. I'll be at my room by the end of the day, figuring some thermodynamics shit while listening to your mixtape, and feel perfectly fine about the world. I wish it could go on this way everyday :p

There Was No Funeral

June 25th 2024 They took the greatest love of my life away from me, but there was no funeral. They bathed and cleaned her corpse, and all I could think about was if they had took her lash extensions out. They buried her, but I stayed in the car. People cried, but no one hugged me, all that I had was my hand being held by my brother as we drove behind the hearse, Neil Young’s Harvest Moon was playing. I was already isolated for 2 weeks and thought that I would be rewarded by her embrace once it was all over. But there was none of it, it was pain and more pain and more pain. Only after 2 years I could finally cried it all out in somebody’s embrace, didn’t even realized how much I needed to let it all out —how badly I needed to be embraced. Because by the first year, the longing had eaten my insides little by little until there was almost nothing left of me. I don’t want to hold on to this pain forever, even if this pain is the only way I can keep my love for her alive. Because I’m done h...

A Thought in Between The Talk

What are you looking for in a man?  Uhm, nothing? That's probably a stupid answer because, you know, I expect much on too many things. I grew up believing that my mind is a simple open book, tho it's actually a complicated maze.  What am I looking for in a man?  I thought I seek for nothing or perhaps I don't even know what I want and seek for everything instead. That's the reason of all our recent disagreements: each other's expectation doesn't meet our reality. Funny how I hate the love is greed a selfish little need line so much -yet I kept on proving it right. Maybe love itself is cruel? Or is it just the human nature taking its role? What's certainly true is that you probably (god my diction is so bad bcs it's certainly and probably in the same sentence) don't know what you got 'til it's gone. Because as you repeated your question: What are you looking for in a man, really? My mind went blank. You stared right into my eyes. Funny how I a...

Either Way

"Tell me your three most vivid memories." you asked me that night.  We were only started talking for a few weeks that time. I remember telling you the boring stories from my childhood and the life-changing moment of finally watching Coldplay live, because let's be honest, my memory sucked --unless it involved something that triggered my emotions deeply. When it was your turn, you told me those great moments of your life when you live abroad and that one holiday where you drove Fiat Panda in Mallorca. I always love how you told your stories; simple yet very detailed and thorough -just like how you report your analysis at work. That night, I secretly wished that one day I would be in one of those memories that lingers so vividly in your head. But yeah, no chance, right? The only picture of us together was that one where the coffee shop owner took our photo secretly and sent it over to my friend, the one where my face is all covered with my hair. And everything I write about...