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Inside of Love

“This song is fucking great.” That’s what you said as your car stopped at the red light. The intro to the song came on and turned out to be something so familiar from my childhood.

“Whaaat I know this song! Never listened to it in years!” I said in excitement of rediscovering a good song from years ago, forgetting it even existed. You just nodded and smiled, the hook was in and you started to sing. I stopped and stared at you for a moment, you were always singing -and you were always so into it. Your driver seat turned into a stage. I’d remember every little detail of you singing, the simplest thing I was weirdly so in love with.

You grabbed my bottle of water, using it as your microphone. I giggled, using my phone as a microphone, and joined you for the refrain.


I know the last page so well, I can't read the first
So I just don't start it's getting worse
I wanna know what it’s like on the inside of love.
Standing at the gates, I see the beauty above.

It was always the highlight of my day. To grab some late night food and singing our heart out on our way home. Watching you sing. Laughing at any of your jokes, no matter how bad it was. Being with you. No matter how shitty the day was, it would end my day right.

But then do you remember? When the sun was really bright, and it seemed like you were finally leaving. You were always about to leave, but this time it seemed like it was for good. Funny how it happened in the broad daylight, as if it won’t ruin all the memories of our night rides that I fond so much. 

I just sat there while you ate your lunch. You stared at me so differently. I held back my tears just like what I always did. I was about to rant about these whole thing that have been piling up my chest, but I decided not to ‘cause those eyes was cold, and it seemed like you just stopped giving a fuck. The atmosphere was really weird. Yesterday suddenly seemed so far away. So this is how the last page would end, eh? You never get to know how it actually happens until it happens.

They played Linkin Park. Can’t remember which song but I’m sure it was Linkin Park because you were telling me about how much Chester's death upsets you afterwards. We sang to the chorus of the song. And then you smiled at me, the kind of smile I couldn’t decode until now.

“What?” I said.

“I hate it so much when we sang together like that.” you smirked, or smiled? I don't know.

I choked a little, but maintained to play it cool and just laughed.

I remember the picturesque moment of your back getting further, slowly, as you walked away from me that day. It's probably what they called mono no aware.
.
.
.

He was really leaving.


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