The Engineering Economic Analysis book is wide open right beside me. But I can't help to get distracted by the empty ceiling above me, and anxiously rechecking my LINE notifications over and over again. I don't know since when Payung Teduh's Kita Adalah Sisa-Sisa Keikhlasan yang Tidak Pernah Diikhlaskan can hurt this bad, it's not the lyrics, it's just the sorrow from this song. Well not exactly hurt, but it burns my chest, and this anxiety can't stop bugging me.

Here's the thing about me: I worried WAY too much.

I went to his house today. I worried all night yesterday, tho I know he'll be fine and his parents have had took a really good care of him. But still, the only thing I knew this morning is that I really need to see him. And there he was on his bed, smiling in excitement when he finally saw me, it's the moment of clarity that I swear to God was the best thing I could feel in a while. His fever was so bad this afternoon when was sleeping, it made me worried as fuck. He got better later on anyway when I left him.

When I got home, I stupidly took a power nap and waking up to my phone with no word of him. And it kills me that bad. That bad that I cried a little. I can't help the uncertainty of whether he had took his medicine yet or not and whether his fever got better or worse. Maybe I'm exaggerating, and I hope this bad intuition and all my insecurities means nothing. I hope he's sound asleep right now and tomorrow he'll get way better. I don't exactly know if my paranoia is this bad or that I love him that much.

Good night, sleepyhead