bəˈnɑːnə

You called me just so you can take out your anger out of your chest. And it still hurts, the fact that I couldn’t ease your anger, I could never did. With all the hatred and resentment in your eyes, it finally hits me, really really hard, realizing that nobody could ever comfort you -not even me, not even once. It hurts much more.

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Kata Lain di Balik Kata Lainnya

Kamu tau, kalau kamu selalu membuatku ingin berkata-kata? Meskipun hampir semua yang terlontar getir, tapi aku menyimpanmu dengan manis di antara lembaran kata yang tidak akan pernah kamu baca --yang kadang-kadang menggerogotiku dari dalam. Lebih baik tidak ada yang tau, termasuk juga kamu, karena memang tidak ada yang perlu tau. Dan sekonyol apapun ini terdengar, aku harap suatu saat kamu terbangun dari tidurmu, kemudian ada suatu rasa baru yang menyusup di rongga dadamu. Karena saat itu -untuk pertama kalinya- mimpi kita beresonansi. dari renungan sepanjang Cipularang

Paradox

It all with hearts you’ll find the answers You start to jump but the ground seems getting closer and, up in the clouds is where you are I hope the sky is where you find it all

So-called Holiday. Yawn.

Behold, fasten your seat belt, cause it's d-4 of......senior year. SAY WHAAAADDD. Horor coy... Selalu deg-degan sendiri ya bayanginnya, tapi mau gimana lagi :') udah di depan mata. Harus ambis nih, biarpun gue nggak ngerti gimana caranya jadi ambis, biarpun mau seambis apapun rapot semester 3&4 udah terlalu hopeless buat undangan, tapi yaudah lah ya. Dan gue masih bingung mau akuntansi, manajemen, atau teknik industri. Dan bingung kenapa pilihan gue susah semua huakaka. Nih ya kalo fti itb misalkan 100% undangan berarti gue tinggal backroll ke empang, berarti gue cuma bisa milih fakultas yang ada mandirinya since tertulis udah nggak ada. Masalahnya lagi minat gue kepecah di ipa dan ips, padahal gue ga bakal kuat ipc, dan dua-duanya fakultas favorit. Pokoknya gue cuma sanggup ipa atau ips murni. Berarti mesti mantepin salah satu dari itu... Parbet senin udah kelas 3 tapi arah idup masih gajelas. Istikharah deh... Bismillah. Anywaysss daripada stres sebelum waktunya (pa...

I'll probably delete this later, all i know is that I need to pour this out right now My daddy always give me, my mom, and my brother a bar of chocolate on valentine's day, the one with the writings from the store so he shouldn't write anything on it anymore. Maybe for some, valentine's day is stupid lame silly whatsoever. I don't really into valentine's day too before, but when the moment's there, I always feel the warmth in my heart of how my family loving each other seriously and wholeheartedly. And now when I'm not there to receive any hugs or chocolates, I really miss that silly lame but cute tradition of my family. I got nothing here, nothing at all. I miss my family so fricking much it turns me into some pathetic lonely girl on saturday night. I've been meaning to call my mom but she's busy hanging out with dad tonight (and their friends). I want a love like that. If there's any love I want to have with my future husband, at least it h...

Ordinary

Since you came along, my days are ordinary. We laugh just like yesterday, And I kiss you like the day before, And I hold you just like ordinary. Perhaps when the day is new, We'll find tomorrow is just ordinary too.

Love Like a Sunset, Pt.II - Phoenix (Day 2 - Song with number on the title)

Salah satu lagu favorit gue sepanjang masa! Lagunya ngga sampe 2 menit karena lanjutan dari Love Like a Sunset, Pt.I yang lebih panjang. Ini kalo dibawain live kedua lagu tersebut indahnya ga karuan. Lebih suka part kedua karena membawakan emosi kelemahan gue, yang adalah acceptance . Musiknya melankolis dengan tetap terasa hopeful dan ga menye-menye. Pesannya juga sangat indah dan efektif disampikan dalam 1 menit 46 detik tersebut: [Verse 1] Acres A visible horizon Right where it starts and ends Oh, when did we start the end? [Verse 2] Acres A visible illusion Oh, where it starts, it ends Love like a sunset Di verse pertama, sunset diceritakan sebagai awal dari suatu akhir; alias lah kok tiba-tiba udah mau selesai hubungan ini?! Kemudian di verse kedua langsung masuk ke fase berterima, bahwa hal yang dimulai pasti akan berakhir juga. Bagi gue lagunya menggambarkan relationship / perasaan yang indah banget tapi cuma sebentar -dan masih indah until the very end. Jadi inget pernah dapet...

Thermodynamics

I could spend all day watching you smile and listen to your stories because that's when everything finally felt right again. I'll be talking to you all day discussing silly million ideas to spend our holiday because I love how it makes me feel. I'll be at my room by the end of the day, figuring some thermodynamics shit while listening to your mixtape, and feel perfectly fine about the world. I wish it could go on this way everyday :p

What a difference a day made

and the difference is you. kata jamie cullum

There Was No Funeral

June 25th 2024 They took the greatest love of my life away from me, but there was no funeral. They bathed and cleaned her corpse, and all I could think about was if they had took her lash extensions out. They buried her, but I stayed in the car. People cried, but no one hugged me, all that I had was my hand being held by my brother as we drove behind the hearse, Neil Young’s Harvest Moon was playing. I was already isolated for 2 weeks and thought that I would be rewarded by her embrace once it was all over. But there was none of it, it was pain and more pain and more pain. Only after 2 years I could finally cried it all out in somebody’s embrace, didn’t even realized how much I needed to let it all out —how badly I needed to be embraced. Because by the first year, the longing had eaten my insides little by little until there was almost nothing left of me. I don’t want to hold on to this pain forever, even if this pain is the only way I can keep my love for her alive. Because I’m done h...

A Thought in Between The Talk

What are you looking for in a man? Uhm, nothing? That's probably a stupid answer because, you know, I expect much on too many things. I grew up believing that my mind is a simple open book, tho it's actually a complicated maze. What am I looking for in a man? I thought I seek for nothing or perhaps I don't even know what I want and seek for everything instead. That's the reason of all our recent disagreements: each other's expectation doesn't meet our reality. Funny how I hate the love is greed a selfish little need line so much -yet I kept on proving it right. Maybe love itself is cruel? Or is it just the human nature taking its role? What's certainly true is that you probably (god my diction is so bad bcs it's certainly and probably in the same sentence) don't know what you got 'til it's gone. Because as you repeated your question: What are you looking for in a man, really? My mind went blank. You stared right into my eyes. Funny how I a...