Skip to main content

Only Ones Who Know

"Hey don't cry..." He said. "I can't stand seeing you this way."  

"I'm sorry, I'm just being stupid." I laughed it off but tears still streaming down my cheek. 

He then embraced me so tightly. 

"It's going to be okay," he whispered, "you are one strong independent woman, right?"

"I am not when you're around tho... You said it yourself."

"But I won't be around anymore..." his voice was so soft like a whispering wind on the grass, as if he tried so hard for me not to hear it but in a way still wants me to hear it.

"I know." I grab his sleeves, resting my head on his chest -can't stand looking into his eyes anymore.

He pushed me gently, lift my head, lean down, and kissed my forehead.

"I'm gonna miss these cheeks," he then kissed both side of my cheeks.

He looked me right in the eye and said, "and this lips..." I closed my eyes as his kiss landed on my lips. A soft and slow one but made my heart aches real bad. Maybe it should've ended the harsh way, not some overly-melancholic romantic scene like this?

"Have I ever apologized? You know... for dragging you into this...this fucked up mess."

Is an apology is all that I need to hear? Do I even need one? But what else is there other than ending this sort of mistake with an apology? I shook my head. 

He hugged me again, "I'm sorry. I really do." His voice cracked a little, "but I'm still glad that we happened and you're still the best thing that happened to me last year."  

My whole body shivered. I couldn't see his face, but he said it in a way that I couldn't even dared to tell him that it was just another bullshit that he made. He told me like he really meant it, and for once I wanted to believe that his words were true. I kept my head on his chest and I wished that the world would stood still for moments like this.  

"Bullshit." I told him, crying, while still hugging him, even tighter than before.  

"You know it's true." He would usually fight me over my accusation towards him, but this time he said it almost so softly while caressing my hair. "I really mean it."  

And only Lord knows how much I really wish that he did mean it.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Kenapa saya tidak boleh merasakan apa yang saya rasa Kenapa saya harus bungkam ketika kata memaksa untuk mengalir Kenapa saya harus memiliki keberterimaan yang tidak pernah mampir Kenapa saya harus ada ketika ingin tiada Kenapa saya Harus Kenapa

Svo Hljótt (So Quiet)

Bahasa kesunyian, interpretasi rasa menjadi bahasa tanpa rambatan frekuensi gelombang suara. Meskipun hingar bingar dan kegegapgempitaan kota yang setia melatari kita, tapi lewat itu perasaan kita beresonansi, lewat kesederhanaan yang ditimbulkan sepi. Karena tak perlu kata, ketika kita saling menatap, dan ada janji yang mengikat dari percikan cahaya matamu. Tak usah juga lampu warna-warni yang menyirami jiwa kita dengan segudang omong kosong tentang masa depan dan kefuturistikan yang banal, ketika cahaya-cahaya monokromatik menyelimuti kita dengan kesederhanaan dan kedamaian tanpa sedu-sedan. Kamu bernyanyi pada satu purnama, membawakan kesunyian dengan begitu khidmat, yang bukannya sepi yang mencekik -tapi sepi yang tertuang harapan, yang seakan berbisik kepada hati. Kemudian ketika pada akhirnya nanti kita terjebak pada gonggongan dan ratapan yang disuguhkan realita, kamu berpesan, agar selalu mendengarkan pesan yang dilantunkan kesunyian. (Svo Hljótt adalah judul lagu Si...
Siang ini saya membuang memori saya keluar jendela. Dibalik tembok kamar saya ini tidak ada tempat sampah maupun pemulung yang mau repot-repot membawa pergi, menanggung beban yang saya harap saya sendiri mampu memikul. Jadi begitulah, dibalik jendela berukuran sedang yang jernih ini, saya masih bisa melihat serpihan masa lalu maupun angan-angan yang saya bangun setengah mati itu, tergeletak begitu saja, menjadikannya memori-memori baru tentang memori itu sendiri. Jendela ini seakan seperti kaca yang membatasi objek museum, bedanya memori itu entah kenapa tidak mau berjejer rapi dan memilih berjubel, seakan tidak mau dipisahkan satu sama lainnya. Saya bisa saja menutup jendela saya dengan tirai, tapi lagi, saya akan tetap tau mereka menunggui saya di sana. Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Love Like a Sunset, Pt.II - Phoenix (Day 2 - Song with number on the title)

Salah satu lagu favorit gue sepanjang masa! Lagunya ngga sampe 2 menit karena lanjutan dari Love Like a Sunset, Pt.I yang lebih panjang. Ini kalo dibawain live kedua lagu tersebut indahnya ga karuan. Lebih suka part kedua karena membawakan emosi kelemahan gue, yang adalah acceptance . Musiknya melankolis dengan tetap terasa hopeful dan ga menye-menye. Pesannya juga sangat indah dan efektif disampikan dalam 1 menit 46 detik tersebut: [Verse 1] Acres A visible horizon Right where it starts and ends Oh, when did we start the end? [Verse 2] Acres A visible illusion Oh, where it starts, it ends Love like a sunset Di verse pertama, sunset diceritakan sebagai awal dari suatu akhir; alias lah kok tiba-tiba udah mau selesai hubungan ini?! Kemudian di verse kedua langsung masuk ke fase berterima, bahwa hal yang dimulai pasti akan berakhir juga. Bagi gue lagunya menggambarkan relationship / perasaan yang indah banget tapi cuma sebentar -dan masih indah until the very end. Jadi inget pernah dapet...

(Another) Year End Post

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." Bleh. That's probably one of the most over-tweeted cliche-teenage-phrase that I've ever read. Terlalu optimis kadang malah bikin segalanya terdengar lebih pathetic, be true sedikit lah, lo mau tersenyum atas berakhirnya hidup seseorang karena, "yaa untung lah dia pernah idup :)"? Oke terlalu ekstrim, but you got the point. 'Tho, too pesimistic isn't a good thing either. Solusinya? Ada yang bilang jangan selalu melihat ke belakang, tapi tetap aja -mengutip Sarah Deshita lewat omnibus Memoritmo-  what kind of heart doesn't look back ? That's super true. But in my own case people wud say to me, "what kind of person always looks back?!" Hahaha. Berhubung udah tanggal 30, just like what I always did, I decided to post some recount about what had been going on this past 11 months. Karena di akhir adalah waktu paling lazim dan normal untuk melihat ke belakang (alibi). T...

Triple Local Heroes

WHAT IS UP PEOPLE Beneran nanya. Akhir-akhir ini satu-satunya yang gue kenal lebih baik adalah langit-langit kamar gue. Tiap hari cuma tidur, solat, mandi, buka puasa, refresh timeline, refresh path, ngalor-ngidul di youtube, discovering bandcamp, BIRP, liat langit-langit, tua di jalan gara-gara macet parah tiap memenuhi undangan bukber, dan mengosongi dompet dengan acara bukber yang lama-lama harusnya namanya diganti "raping your own wallet in ramadhan bersama". Welcome to my miserable jomblo  life. Dan setai apapun rutinitas not-so-called liburan panjang ini, gue lebih baik tetap menatap langit-langit kamar sambil dengerin playlist menye-menye dan berharap waktu melambat daripada hidup gue di fastforward ke...The Day. It's H-16 to completely living on my own peeps wuddup! "Nggak posting tentang ketakutan H-16 tisy?" Ada waktunya kawan, ada waktunya. Jadi kalo males banget liat curhatan rutin gue tentang kehidupan, sebaiknya jangan buka blog gue dalam satu m...

That WTF Post

Besok travel paling pagi but now my eyes just won't close. I'm sleepy but not-so-sleepy to sleep and, as always, there's too many thoughts weighing my shoulder. I'm in a big crisis of trusting people. Lame. It's like my own life is bailing on me since I moved to Bandung... Nothing goes my way and people just won't stop jerking out. I know it all started from those broken promises back at my very first day in Bandung, then I learn to stop giving a fuck about it and start building trusts and hopes to new people and new life--but then it brought me here; to the even lower point of having faith on everything except God. I just want some normal life where I don't have to be surrounded with bunch of audhsjfnsdjgrjr. I'm tired, okay. I'm so furious I don't know where to invest this anger I just feel like Ii'm going to burst into tears but then it'll be too weird GAHHH WTF WORLD. This world is full of bullshit. And your shit. And yours and...

Somebody that I used to know?

God I can't imagine I just titled my blog post with that Gotye's punchline like some insecure adolescent on twitter that refers to their ex or sumthin. I don't even have an ex nor boyf. Okay so that's the difference. I can't believe myself that cliché phrase is somehow meant a thing to me. -_- Senin dua minggu lalu -jangan tanya kenapa gue sampe inget waktunya- abis capek-capek kejebak macet pulang dari inten dan buka di jalan, pas makan malem, kayak biasa keluarga gue yang cerewet ngobrol terusss. Dan seperti biasa juga topik nggak jauh-jauh dari temen-temen gue / kakak gue. Yang gak biasa? Hari itu nyokap nanyain sesuatu tentang temen lama, yang -for heaven's sake- gue gatau kabarnya sama sekali sekarang. Gue bete, karena pertanyaan nyokap simpel dan general, tapi gue nggak bisa jawab selain ngomong "tau deh." Kayak semacam abg labil gue minggat dari meja makan secara smooth, nggak lari dengan dramatis (padahal ga ada yang peduli juga tis). Abis so...

Album Reviews [Combo Pack]

I'm back on the deck, hurrah! I'm so missing myself writing a proper readable post, the less-curhat less-sok-poetic post, even 'tho I'm not sure people are even into my music shits...but it feels good to be back on the deck!(?) These are my reviews of not-so-new-released albums that I listen to (not so) recently, ujian and college stuffs really took that much of my time-_- I wish I can come out with fresh recommendations but this is just all I have, here it goes, enjoy! The Temper Trap -  Acoustic Sessions EP Sepertinya The Temper Trap berhasil menemukan formula untuk menelurkan album yang flawless dan sangat pas: make it an EP (nggak sesimpel single dan nggak sepanjang LP) consists of six acoustic version of their best songs, here's when things couldn't go wrong. Sewaktu jaman intensif Inten, kerjaan gue kalo di rumah emang suka curi-curi waktu buat hal nggak penting yang bahkan di waktu luang aja nggak pernah gue lakuin, kayak randomly buka iTunes dan me...

Bandcamp Discoveries

 Just discovered some awesome new music on bandcamp's discover tab, check it out! Dances by Larrapin No Wonder I (single) by LAKE Grapell by Grapell Arbor Lights by Arbor Lights In The Future by Architecture in Helsinki Strange Range by The City and Horses Desire (願う) - R E M I X E S by spazzkid Nothing Lasts Long EP by Painted Palms