bəˈnɑːnə

One of my biggest weakness is probably this; kapan pun gue gadag dan senganggur itu gue pasti suka bengong, pikiran gue hobinya merenungi tons of things yang seharusnya nggak perlu direnungi, yang selalu pada akhirnya berlabuh ke more and more insecurities. I have this spacing out as an issue in my daily life, I guess... Masalah dari perenungan itu yang masih mengganggu gue lagi-lagi seputaran ini: Some of my friends and families will probably only roll their eyes because I still can't get over this hahaha. Pentrigger utamanya gini, jadi kemaren tiba-tiba dapet kabar kalo salah satu temen gue mau ngedrop ITB setelah setaun TPB ini demi banting setir dan nurutin passion dia di fotografi, jadi ya dia semacam sekolah fashion photography di only-God-knows-where, intinya pokoknya gitu deh dia memutuskan buat hidup kedepannya memperjuangkan passion dia. It dropped my jaw, literary. "Gila ini orang berani banget" "Ini ortunya kok bisa ngasih" dst tapi yang p...

Abis tidur sore dan kebablasan sampe jam 4 pagi... padahal besok uas fisika LOL (bukannya panik belajar malah  nulis blog). Panik banget tadi bangun-bangun kerasa kalo udah tidur berabad-abad, gadget mati semua, terus ngeliat jam tangan udah jam 4 wkwkwk chaos. Pas hp nyala gue deg-degan takut ada berita apocalypse selama gue mati suri itu dan ternyata ga ada; cuma ada Aysha nyariin mau minjem external cd drive dan Egi nanya "ini orang tidur apa tewas?" + 1 missedcall. Udah gitu doang... Mungkin gue adalah spesies di ekosistem yang keberadaannya tidak diperlukan. Anyway, I'm at the point where I really really REALLY HATE Bandung. Everything fall apart here, now, these days. It's the roughest time here and it feels like I'm gonna explode from all the pain and sadness. Bro once said that Bandung was gonna be damn rough for a spoiled brat like me, and I never listened to him until all these frustrations are finally killing me. I fucked up all of my exams and making...

and the difference is you. kata jamie cullum

Besok travel paling pagi but now my eyes just won't close. I'm sleepy but not-so-sleepy to sleep and, as always, there's too many thoughts weighing my shoulder. I'm in a big crisis of trusting people. Lame. It's like my own life is bailing on me since I moved to Bandung... Nothing goes my way and people just won't stop jerking out. I know it all started from those broken promises back at my very first day in Bandung, then I learn to stop giving a fuck about it and start building trusts and hopes to new people and new life--but then it brought me here; to the even lower point of having faith on everything except God. I just want some normal life where I don't have to be surrounded with bunch of audhsjfnsdjgrjr. I'm tired, okay. I'm so furious I don't know where to invest this anger I just feel like Ii'm going to burst into tears but then it'll be too weird GAHHH WTF WORLD. This world is full of bullshit. And your shit. And yours and...

Pada musim hujan yang datang ketika bukan waktunya musim hujan -sehingga payung dan sendal saya kaget kemudian jebol- bagaimanapun itu kamu datang, meski kadang atas sebuah pinta. Bukan, bukan sebagai jawaban (karena entah bagaimana kamu nampak begitu enggan), bukan si pemberi payung apalagi repot-repot menjadi payung. Kedatanganmu biasanya adalah sebuah pesan, kadang pesanmu merujukku ke tempat yang menyediakan payung, dan kadang lagi kamu akan berpesan untuk mengingatkan; kalau bukan payung yang sebenarnya aku cari. Begitu saja cukup, untuk sekarang. Ya, kan? Sana payungi dia sebelum kebasahan dan payungmu nganggur terus-terusan.

Besok uts PRD dan sempet-sempetnya posting ginian meheheh gara-gara udah cabut demi belajar prd+mat tadi siang supaya malemnya bisa hearing, terus hearingnya di cancel *ba dum tss*. So let's just make it quick, and these are the list of songs you wish to hear in this most hectic period of the semester, enjoy! Happy (Pharrell Williams) Sulit untuk nggak senyum atau minimal nodding your head setiap kali denger lagu ini, yang selalu ngingetin kita untuk merasa senang ditambah campaign 24hoursofhappiness.com yang uber-awesome! Clap along if you know what happiness is to you :):) Með Suð Í Eyrum (Sigur Ros) Biarpun Sigur Ros udah ngeluarin dua album setelah album ini (yang bau-bau dark semua emang), sampai kapan pun lagu ini dan Gobbledigook bakal selalu jadi Sigur Ros' most cheerful songs. This song will always be your ice cream under the too shiny sun. This Too Shall Pass (OK Go) Pertemuan gue dengan lagu ini adalah waktu lagi ke mcd hampir tengah malem setelah ha...

Kalo gue coba analogikan, kondisi gue sekarang seperti ini; gue sedang berenang terengah-engah di tengah laut lepas -nggak ada satu ujung daratan pun yang terlihat, nggak bisa balik tapi juga bingung mau berenang ke arah mana. Pilihannya cuma ini: mati tenggelam atau terus berenang tanpa tau arah dan bisa aja sewaktu-waktu mati ditelen hiu. I don't want to be bitter or anything that's not nice... But these days I feel so alone, I have friends but no one to "talk" to because whatever popped up from me sounds like a total plain whining shit, and talking with my family only make things look harder than they already are. I feel lost and incomplete. I'm tired of being insecure but every single thing just won't go my way anymore.  Well, okay, I know things could went a lot worse in anybody else's life, and so that I need to be more grateful...hhh I hope I'll find whatever God had planned to ignite the path and in the end I'll feel like I'm hom...