What a difference a day made

Keberterimaan

Keberterimaan is such an underrated word. Setiap ada yang curhat hal-hal cukup pelik yang belum ada solusi duniawinya, gue sering banget ngomong, " you gotta embrace the emotions" atau "lo harus bisa berterima aja", yang most of the time malah dinyinyirin atau dinyolotin karena kedengerannya super klise dan "yaelah gampang banget lau ngomong". Things are easier said than done , that's for sure - but that doesn't make it less true . Setidaknya buat gue. Ketika semesta menghujani lo dengan berbagai tonjokkan bertubi-tubi, ketika secara emosyenel maupun fisikel lo semua diserang, ketika lo ngerasa hidup lo nggak mungkin bisa lebih sucks lagi tapi dibuktikan bahwa masih ada lagi state-state lebih rendah di hidup ini, ketika lo ngerasa lo kayak lagi dikutuk sampe berasumsi bahwa di hidup sebelumnya mungkin lo adalah seorang diktator berdarah dingin yang menyiksa kehidupan masyarakat, ketika rasanya kayak hidup di living hell, di titik itu pili...

Svo Hljótt (So Quiet)

Bahasa kesunyian, interpretasi rasa menjadi bahasa tanpa rambatan frekuensi gelombang suara. Meskipun hingar bingar dan kegegapgempitaan kota yang setia melatari kita, tapi lewat itu perasaan kita beresonansi, lewat kesederhanaan yang ditimbulkan sepi. Karena tak perlu kata, ketika kita saling menatap, dan ada janji yang mengikat dari percikan cahaya matamu. Tak usah juga lampu warna-warni yang menyirami jiwa kita dengan segudang omong kosong tentang masa depan dan kefuturistikan yang banal, ketika cahaya-cahaya monokromatik menyelimuti kita dengan kesederhanaan dan kedamaian tanpa sedu-sedan. Kamu bernyanyi pada satu purnama, membawakan kesunyian dengan begitu khidmat, yang bukannya sepi yang mencekik -tapi sepi yang tertuang harapan, yang seakan berbisik kepada hati. Kemudian ketika pada akhirnya nanti kita terjebak pada gonggongan dan ratapan yang disuguhkan realita, kamu berpesan, agar selalu mendengarkan pesan yang dilantunkan kesunyian. (Svo Hljótt adalah judul lagu Si...

That WTF Post

Besok travel paling pagi but now my eyes just won't close. I'm sleepy but not-so-sleepy to sleep and, as always, there's too many thoughts weighing my shoulder. I'm in a big crisis of trusting people. Lame. It's like my own life is bailing on me since I moved to Bandung... Nothing goes my way and people just won't stop jerking out. I know it all started from those broken promises back at my very first day in Bandung, then I learn to stop giving a fuck about it and start building trusts and hopes to new people and new life--but then it brought me here; to the even lower point of having faith on everything except God. I just want some normal life where I don't have to be surrounded with bunch of audhsjfnsdjgrjr. I'm tired, okay. I'm so furious I don't know where to invest this anger I just feel like Ii'm going to burst into tears but then it'll be too weird GAHHH WTF WORLD. This world is full of bullshit. And your shit. And yours and...

Only Ones Who Know

"Hey don't cry..." He said. "I can't stand seeing you this way." "I'm sorry, I'm just being stupid." I laughed it off but tears still streaming down my cheek. He then embraced me so tightly. "It's going to be okay," he whispered, "you are one strong independent woman, right?" "I am not when you're around tho... You said it yourself." "But I won't be around anymore..." his voice was so soft like a whispering wind on the grass, as if he tried so hard for me not to hear it but in a way still wants me to hear it. "I know." I grab his sleeves, resting my head on his chest -can't stand looking into his eyes anymore. He pushed me gently, lift my head, lean down, and kissed my forehead. "I'm gonna miss these cheeks," he then kissed both side of my cheeks. He looked me right in the eye and said, "and this lips..." I clos...

There Was No Funeral

June 25th 2024 They took the greatest love of my life away from me, but there was no funeral. They bathed and cleaned her corpse, and all I could think about was if they had took her lash extensions out. They buried her, but I stayed in the car. People cried, but no one hugged me, all that I had was my hand being held by my brother as we drove behind the hearse, Neil Young’s Harvest Moon was playing. I was already isolated for 2 weeks and thought that I would be rewarded by her embrace once it was all over. But there was none of it, it was pain and more pain and more pain. Only after 2 years I could finally cried it all out in somebody’s embrace, didn’t even realized how much I needed to let it all out —how badly I needed to be embraced. Because by the first year, the longing had eaten my insides little by little until there was almost nothing left of me. I don’t want to hold on to this pain forever, even if this pain is the only way I can keep my love for her alive. Because I’m done h...

Anthozoa, Robot, dan Korelasi Maksa

Heavy, heavy rain outside. Saya habis bales dendam tidur siang 4 jam, dan setelah lama-lama bengong sambil dengerin Bands Of Horses - The Funeral berulang-ulang akhirnya memutuskan lari ke sini, too much thoughts. Semua titik balik maupun titik awal hidup saya akan terjadi dua-tiga bulan dari sekarang, dan seperti seorang pecundang, tiap hari saya ketakutan. Malu-maluin. I've set my goals, okay, in fact there's five plans (plan A-E) I've written down, tapi peluangnya memang cuma sampe SIMAK UI. Semua orang bilang, percaya sama diri sendiri, tapi emang itu cukup? Kadang saya takut sebanyak apapun rencana itu adalah rencana-rencana yang salah, saya tau pada akhirnya Tuhan yang menentukan jalan hidup saya, tapi ketidaktauan tentang dimana diri saya nantinya dua bulan dari sekarang aja bikin (agak) frustrasi. Sebenernya sekarang bukannya saya mau ngeluh lagi tentang betapa susahnya tryout-tryout Inten dan gimana nama saya nggak kunjung naik ke seenggaknya tiga lembar pertama, y...

Portamento

Holiday is coming! Udah nyiapin playlist liburan belom? *sok asik mode on* Lagi tergila-gila sama The Drums nih. Sejak 3 bulan yang lalu sebenernya wkwk. Gue selalu gitu kalo udah suka sesuatu pasti susah move on, mau dalam bidang apapun eaeaea canda. Sekarang mau coba review album kedua mereka ah, Portamento. Album ini emang udah berumur ±8 bulan, tapi kemunculannya di random public places semacem ak.sa.ra, topshop, cafe-cafe, atau tempat lain yang kebetulan gue datengin, nggak pernah terdengar basi dan malah selalu sukses bikin atmosphere lebih homey. Bahkan pas di bengkel sekalipun gue masih menikmati album ini sebagai temen setia lewat ipod gue, memang seforeveralone itu gue :') Dengan beberapa lirik galau klimaksnya yang disamarkan dengan nada-nada dan musik cheerful khas mereka, juga berhasil boosting mood buat siapapun yang denger. Jadi kalo gapunya mood-booster idup kayak w, silahkan beralih sama Portamento wehehe. Cocok banget buat liburan sama kayak era-nya S...

Saat-Saat Rindu Bandung

Dibanding orang-orang lainnya di lingkaran saya, agaknya saya termasuk yang paling mudah dan seringkali merindukan Jakarta ketika lagi di Bandung. Tapi hari ini, menit-menit menuju magrib dan terjebak macet di tengah-tengah tol naik uber, saya bersumpah tidak pernah merindukan Bandung lebih daripada ini. "Bandung kan juga macet." Setidaknya tidak pernah seumur hidup saya di Bandung, macet 21km penuh tanpa ampun. Dan setidaknya saya timggal di Dago, sehingga semacet-macetnya tetap tidak perlu menempuh 21km untuk buka puasa. Nonsense sih karena saya ngga tau rasanya KP di Bandung hahaha. Tapi KP di Sunter adalah mimpi buruk (kalau rumah kalian di Kramat Jati). Selamat berbuka! -dari atas Wiyoto Wiyono dengan pantat hampir rata

I spent the first half of today making you feel bad, and spend the other half feeling bad about it... Such a bummer. Turned out I'm good at ruining a day he. This when Sparks really resonates with me haha. "I know I was wrong, but I won't let you down." P.S. Postingan yang ini gausah di respon, in case you read it P.S.S ily

Wait - M83

It has been 4 years but I have never stepped into that place, not until that night. Funny that you could took me to places that I've never been before when I thought I have gone to every inch in every corner of this town. Funny how you could make me feel the feelings I have never felt before, too. But this one vivid memory wasn't some memory that's lovely enough to be recalled, yet, it lingers somewhere in the back of my head and creeps in each time I let my guard down. You were about to take me home, but something stopped you. You couldn't look me in the eyes. Usually you were always looking at me when we talk, right in my eyes -in everyone's eyes, as if you are fearless, as if you could look through them. But not that night. It was dark but not that dark for you to couldn't find my eyes. You were always so carefree and chirpy and what not, but that night -a once in a blue moon, you were not. You looked so clueless, you squeezed the wheel in front of you out ...

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