Skip to main content

Square One

These past week I have been drafting a post about how I repaired myself in the last one year to be the most emotionally stable version of myself. Ironically enough, before finishing the writing, it hits again. Square one. Not even square one, this time was worse, worst. I am so fed up with myself and I feel really useless, I mean I'm 24, my friends are already having babies, yet I am still caught in this monstrous version of myself.

But then again, I'm getting there, right? In a spur of the moment it is that hard to remember how I should be very gentle and very kind to my own self, how I should always love myself, and the monster wins again. Now I am writing this, fully aware on where I lost it this time, and I hope this will be the last time it happened. As Vania always says, be kind to yourself, it is that simple jun come on. I know I should. I'm not there yet but I'm getting there. And they told me that it only gets better, right?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

UTS Special: Comforting Sounds Mixtape

Besok uts PRD dan sempet-sempetnya posting ginian meheheh gara-gara udah cabut demi belajar prd+mat tadi siang supaya malemnya bisa hearing, terus hearingnya di cancel *ba dum tss*. So let's just make it quick, and these are the list of songs you wish to hear in this most hectic period of the semester, enjoy! Happy (Pharrell Williams) Sulit untuk nggak senyum atau minimal nodding your head setiap kali denger lagu ini, yang selalu ngingetin kita untuk merasa senang ditambah campaign 24hoursofhappiness.com yang uber-awesome! Clap along if you know what happiness is to you :):) Með Suð Í Eyrum (Sigur Ros) Biarpun Sigur Ros udah ngeluarin dua album setelah album ini (yang bau-bau dark semua emang), sampai kapan pun lagu ini dan Gobbledigook bakal selalu jadi Sigur Ros' most cheerful songs. This song will always be your ice cream under the too shiny sun. This Too Shall Pass (OK Go) Pertemuan gue dengan lagu ini adalah waktu lagi ke mcd hampir tengah malem setelah ha...
Post a Comment
Read more

Is this it?

Have you ever did a real bad thing in your life and live with a constant guilt afterwards, that you thought every single bad thing that keeps happening to you is just the way of universe punishing you -and that you deserve every tiny part of the pain? I can't really recall when was the first time I start living with this horrible mindset weighing me, but it does took me months of repetitive small unnecessary breakdowns to finally losing it last night and cry the shit out over The Strokes' Is This It -alone in my hotel room, thinking I am so done with universe punishing me and shit. I snapped last night and when I was finally too tired to continue crying, I thought to myself that maybe universe was actually never that evil, maybe I did this to myself, maybe the things that break me are just a product of my own belief -believing that I need to suffer from every cosmic surprise that went south from my own expectation and immediately perceiving it as another form of life punishme...
Post a Comment
Read more