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Sour



“You are too much to handle.”


His message was short but sharp, it struck her like a lightning. It hurts real bad but in a non-lethal kind of way, the kind of pain that’s not too massive to make you feel numb, it was the kind of pain that’s painful enough to jerk your tears out and demanded to be felt, it felt as bad as when a razor cut your skin -although you know that the wound won’t heal.

 He probably have no idea how powerful his words were. He probably wasn’t saying that to hurt her. Those were probably the words that has been lingering in the back of his head for so long, and that he had enough. And that’s probably why it hurts that bad, because it wasn’t some made up words that he usually made only to win the arguments, it was the words she -herself- know all along but never been unearthed, it hurts because she know it’s true.

 You are too much to handle. Those words echoed. She knew damn well she is. She can’t even handle herself. She’s always desperately seeking the manual to handle her own self. Nobody, not even him, have any idea how much she hates herself and how desperately she wants to be better -for those people that love and care for her, for her own self too.

 It was probably nothing if it wasn’t coming from him, someone that she believed to be the only one who could finally handle her, the one that could handle her and her deepest pain right. He was the one who made her -after a quite long time- finally be able to love herself again. He was the one who could ease her pain. He made her feel that she was not too much nor less, that she was -for once- enough, because to be enough was the only thing she’d ever need. And she believed that he was, somehow, the savior from the tyranny that she put her own self into.

 But he chose to leave in the end, and left her with only memories and fantasies of what could have been.

 The only think she could do was smirking, as if she owned up to that fact, and replies, “I know right?”

 And that moment marked the night of her realizing that she would never be whole anymore.
Careful of what you wish darlin’
Don’t get distracted by feeling
In love for what
If it’s always too much?

Moan like you mean it darlin’
There’s not much left in me, bethink
In love for what
If it’s always too much?
In love for what
If it’s always too much?

(We'll never get to where we were)
(It's too beautiful to return)
(I have no self control)
(I have no self control)

I can see through you darling
Nothing would see you through
In love for what
If it’s always too much?

We would remain in memory
It’s all that we can be
In love for what
If it’s always too much?
In love for what
If it’s always too much?

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