What's Left?

I'm waking up to an empty feeling this morning and then my head got kicked -so hard- by reality with the fact of what had been missing in my life recently (and reluctantly): communication. Communication...that's what I'm lacking of since I moved to Bandung, mostly with people who were really close to me and those I used to share my daily life with, now I barely know their lifes -vice versa. It's frustating... I used to be best at communicating and keeping a relationship (friends and families) stable, and now I'm the one who jump off the boat and make the ship sink. And some holidays in Jakarta doesn't make me capable of catching up some things and cleaning my own mess. Fuck college life. It's hard to keep balance in your old and new life, even harder when you do it alone, and when you're out of control -you lose it all. I don't even have a boyfriend yet I can't even make a friendship work out. God. It sucks how I know nothing about my bestfriends' lifes, what they're up to right now, what's going on in their life, who are they recently seeing, everything -I lost track of everything. It's sad too how I only know a little about what had happened in my family while I was away, like, I don't know, I feel like everything is really drifting away. I hate how confusing life gets right now when people who used to be the closest to me feel like so far apart. They're not leaving...they're just drifting away. And it still sucks.

I feel so left behind and alone.