bəˈnɑːnə

Soon, All the Tingling butterflies, Sparkling eyes, Warm laughters, Impulsive trips, Random places, Little surprises, Soon be gone, As the words that's fading, And washed away, From your mind, Slowly, Leaving me, Slowly, Not surely, Rather unsure, Fading, Not sure, Of the feeling, You don't say, No more, Or this feeling, You aren't able, To read, And fail, To even understand, ... .. .

Tau yang lebih buruk dari sendirian, kehujanan, naik angkot, sendal jebol, dan payung rusak? Well let me tell you: Kehujanan, kejebak macet padahal praktikum tinggal 10 menit lagi, sepatu kerendem air, payung kebalik, TP basah, terlambat masuk praktikum, have to wear your soaking wet shoes pants and clothes for 4 hours, menunggu orang yang berjanji menemani makan tapi php setelah 2 jam lebih, celana yang baru dibeli ilang dan ga ada yang mau tanggung jawab, belum makan selama 14 jam terakhir. Itu, itu yang terburuk. Jadi makasih sudah mengambil andil dalam hari terburuk sedunia!

It all with hearts you’ll find the answers  You start to jump but the ground seems getting closer and,  up in the clouds is where you are  I hope the sky is where you find it all 

There are times when you almost believe that you've get through it When you thought that you've over it But when it all clicks, you'll lose again You lose again Like you lost yourself for too many times before Your wounded soul won't heal And those scars all over you, they laugh at you And you still wished for the help that never came Because eventually, you're always alone

Maybe it's just some phase Well it'd better be a phase The denial The torn in between deleting or not Whether adjusting to the situation, or recalling good things Flashback that wasn't that bitter, because really, it was never that bitter

Kenapa saya tidak boleh merasakan apa yang saya rasa Kenapa saya harus bungkam ketika kata memaksa untuk mengalir Kenapa saya harus memiliki keberterimaan yang tidak pernah mampir Kenapa saya harus ada ketika ingin tiada Kenapa saya Harus Kenapa

If lately my days in college are bad because of exams and tasks, I can only define today with: dreadfully awful. Jadi hari ini adalah harinya UAS Kalkulus III which is materinya sungguh mengerikan ditambah lagi sibuk menyelesaikan tubes TMP dan PPST di H-2 dan H-1 (crazy shit huh). Semalam sebelumnya gue sungguh depresi akan beberapa materi kalkulus yang belum kepegang karena waktu belajarnya keambil perhitungan LRP yang nggak ada abisnya dan menerjemahkan paper QFD. I took a bottle of frickin red bull (rrr..kratingdaeng) just to keep me awake all night and all morning and only got 3 hours of sleep. It got me depressed (I'm depressed all the time). I cried all the time too, and I keep it alone -duh, because everybody's used to my crying and probably be sick of it by now. Dan satu hal lagi yang menambah kedepresian hari ini: harus presentasi tubes TMP dulu jam 9-12 sementara ujian kalkulus jam 4, yang berarti membuang waktu belajar kalkulus sekitar 3-4 jam. Dan dimulailah ha...

It feels like I only go backwards darling, Every part of me says go ahead I got my hopes up again, oh no, not again Feels like we only go backwards darling

Say, what have I become? Back in my highschool days, one of the obsessions for me to get in ITB was my bro's weird inaccurately yet promising words of "anak-anak ITB selera musiknya kayak kamu tau!". Long story short I got in, long story short I got nothin. Well, I turned out to have some concert companions tho, thanks to LFM yeay. But I am now undoubtedly listening to some new not-so-me songs all the frickin time I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY it gets worse after I lose my ipod. Shit. Well it's not so bad after all, is just that my jam was what made me, me. All the melancholic alternative indie rock has changed into some electropop hipster remixes. It's probably because I've settled with Le Boyfriend so that I'm now listening to happy pumping kind of songs.  And it's most likely because I Am that busy and the only provided non-mainstream songs around me was songs from my brother and my boyfriend and that I stopped discovering music and all my 8track's feed ...

The world is turning into a sentimental monochromic slow motion as the song comes on The rain is starting to pour down, the streetlights reflect from the puddle Your lukewarm ideal-sized hand reach mine, while you're doing what you always do best: smiling I rest my head on your shoulder, immitating Karen O's voice but ended up like a 2nd grader kid Still in slow motion, best 3:08 minutes of the day I wish I could cristalyze every beat - - I don't want this feeling to go away "It's a quiet, starry place / Time were swallowed up / In space we're here a million miles away"

Ketika malam dan kamu terlelap Bahkan pagi saat kamu ingin lenyap Semua sesak menyesap Ada yang memaksa diucap Sejak kapan kita mengucap perih, sambil merahasiakan rasa yang benar?

What are you holding out for What's always in the way Why so damn absent minded Why so scared of romance This modern love, breaks me This modern love, wastes me

What are you looking for in a man?  Uhm, nothing? That's probably a stupid answer because, you know, I expect much on too many things. I grew up believing that my mind is a simple open book, tho it's actually a complicated maze.  What am I looking for in a man?  I thought I seek for nothing or perhaps I don't even know what I want and seek for everything instead. That's the reason of all our recent disagreements: each other's expectation doesn't meet our reality. Funny how I hate the love is greed a selfish little need line so much -yet I kept on proving it right. Maybe love itself is cruel? Or is it just the human nature taking its role? What's certainly true is that you probably (god my diction is so bad bcs it's certainly and probably in the same sentence) don't know what you got 'til it's gone. Because as you repeated your question: What are you looking for in a man, really? My mind went blank. You stared right into my eyes. Funny how I a...

It means you've read all the gloomy nonsense I've been keeping on posting recently. Well don't worry, I guarantee you that it's only you (and a few friends of mine) that would read my blog (I even doubt that you still read this) (it's a good thing tho if you don't)(but I'm losing my way to talk to you so maybe it'll be as good if you read)(whatever). I'm sorry if I seemed so unhappy from all the things I've written recently, maybe I wasn't as unhappy as it seems, or maybe I was, idk, it's confusing. And there's too much pain in my diary now so I don't want to pour it in my diary again, besides, I can always delete the posts here. If you ever wonder if I'm still happy to be with you, well it's a yes. I don't know but somehow it's still possible to be both happy and unhappy at the same time, or not in the exact same time. I hope we'll get better We SHOULD ger better P.s. As long as you will for the same thing Ily

Since you came along, my days are ordinary. We laugh just like yesterday, And I kiss you like the day before, And I hold you just like ordinary. Perhaps when the day is new, We'll find tomorrow is just ordinary too.

I'll probably delete this later, all i know is that I need to pour this out right now My daddy always give me, my mom, and my brother a bar of chocolate on valentine's day, the one with the writings from the store so he shouldn't write anything on it anymore. Maybe for some, valentine's day is stupid lame silly whatsoever. I don't really into valentine's day too before, but when the moment's there, I always feel the warmth in my heart of how my family loving each other seriously and wholeheartedly. And now when I'm not there to receive any hugs or chocolates, I really miss that silly lame but cute tradition of my family. I got nothing here, nothing at all. I miss my family so fricking much it turns me into some pathetic lonely girl on saturday night. I've been meaning to call my mom but she's busy hanging out with dad tonight (and their friends). I want a love like that. If there's any love I want to have with my future husband, at least it h...

Would you take me to a street, Where there is lights so I can find my way home? No footprints I could trace Have I been here all along? Baby, I swear I never leave home But why am I lost? Where is home? Is there no home Or am I the one that's fading?

Seharusnya seperti beberapa tahun sebelumnya, postingan akhir tahun benar-benar di post di akhir tahun. Lalu masa-masa akhir tahun gue dihabiskan oleh pak Titah...yasudahlah Kalo postingan ini adalah karya tulis, di bagian abstrak pasti tertulis kata kunci ini: Egi, MRI, homesick, IP jelek. But what really happened in 2014? 2014 was an academically frustrating year yet the best year in my love life(lol). Kalo baca blog gue memang keluhan gue terhadap ITB makin ga karuan dan cerita gue tentang Egi mungkin terlalu sering gue post. Both semester 2 dan semester 3 yang ada di tahun ini adalah kehancuran. But God is that good; I've gone through one of the hardest part in my entire academic life or even my current life --without family around, but luckily I wasn't going through it alone. Bahkan ada masanya gue super demotivated dan gue ga akan tau hal gila apa yang akan gue lakukan if he's not around. Lalu satu hal lagi yang hit me hard: my mental age haven't grown up...