Paradox

Thermodynamics

I could spend all day watching you smile and listen to your stories because that's when everything finally felt right again. I'll be talking to you all day discussing silly million ideas to spend our holiday because I love how it makes me feel. I'll be at my room by the end of the day, figuring some thermodynamics shit while listening to your mixtape, and feel perfectly fine about the world. I wish it could go on this way everyday :p

Kenapa saya tidak boleh merasakan apa yang saya rasa Kenapa saya harus bungkam ketika kata memaksa untuk mengalir Kenapa saya harus memiliki keberterimaan yang tidak pernah mampir Kenapa saya harus ada ketika ingin tiada Kenapa saya Harus Kenapa

Svo Hljótt (So Quiet)

Bahasa kesunyian, interpretasi rasa menjadi bahasa tanpa rambatan frekuensi gelombang suara. Meskipun hingar bingar dan kegegapgempitaan kota yang setia melatari kita, tapi lewat itu perasaan kita beresonansi, lewat kesederhanaan yang ditimbulkan sepi. Karena tak perlu kata, ketika kita saling menatap, dan ada janji yang mengikat dari percikan cahaya matamu. Tak usah juga lampu warna-warni yang menyirami jiwa kita dengan segudang omong kosong tentang masa depan dan kefuturistikan yang banal, ketika cahaya-cahaya monokromatik menyelimuti kita dengan kesederhanaan dan kedamaian tanpa sedu-sedan. Kamu bernyanyi pada satu purnama, membawakan kesunyian dengan begitu khidmat, yang bukannya sepi yang mencekik -tapi sepi yang tertuang harapan, yang seakan berbisik kepada hati. Kemudian ketika pada akhirnya nanti kita terjebak pada gonggongan dan ratapan yang disuguhkan realita, kamu berpesan, agar selalu mendengarkan pesan yang dilantunkan kesunyian. (Svo Hljótt adalah judul lagu Si...

Somebody that I used to know?

God I can't imagine I just titled my blog post with that Gotye's punchline like some insecure adolescent on twitter that refers to their ex or sumthin. I don't even have an ex nor boyf. Okay so that's the difference. I can't believe myself that cliché phrase is somehow meant a thing to me. -_- Senin dua minggu lalu -jangan tanya kenapa gue sampe inget waktunya- abis capek-capek kejebak macet pulang dari inten dan buka di jalan, pas makan malem, kayak biasa keluarga gue yang cerewet ngobrol terusss. Dan seperti biasa juga topik nggak jauh-jauh dari temen-temen gue / kakak gue. Yang gak biasa? Hari itu nyokap nanyain sesuatu tentang temen lama, yang -for heaven's sake- gue gatau kabarnya sama sekali sekarang. Gue bete, karena pertanyaan nyokap simpel dan general, tapi gue nggak bisa jawab selain ngomong "tau deh." Kayak semacam abg labil gue minggat dari meja makan secara smooth, nggak lari dengan dramatis (padahal ga ada yang peduli juga tis). Abis so...

The Engineering Economic Analysis book is wide open right beside me. But I can't help to get distracted by the empty ceiling above me, and anxiously rechecking my LINE notifications over and over again. I don't know since when Payung Teduh's Kita Adalah Sisa-Sisa Keikhlasan yang Tidak Pernah Diikhlaskan can hurt this bad, it's not the lyrics, it's just the sorrow from this song. Well not exactly hurt, but it burns my chest, and this anxiety can't stop bugging me. Here's the thing about me: I worried WAY too much. I went to his house today. I worried all night yesterday, tho I know he'll be fine and his parents have had took a really good care of him. But still, the only thing I knew this morning is that I really need to see him. And there he was on his bed, smiling in excitement when he finally saw me, it's the moment of clarity that I swear to God was the best thing I could feel in a while. His fever was so bad this afternoon when was sleeping, ...

So-called Holiday. Yawn.

Behold, fasten your seat belt, cause it's d-4 of......senior year. SAY WHAAAADDD. Horor coy... Selalu deg-degan sendiri ya bayanginnya, tapi mau gimana lagi :') udah di depan mata. Harus ambis nih, biarpun gue nggak ngerti gimana caranya jadi ambis, biarpun mau seambis apapun rapot semester 3&4 udah terlalu hopeless buat undangan, tapi yaudah lah ya. Dan gue masih bingung mau akuntansi, manajemen, atau teknik industri. Dan bingung kenapa pilihan gue susah semua huakaka. Nih ya kalo fti itb misalkan 100% undangan berarti gue tinggal backroll ke empang, berarti gue cuma bisa milih fakultas yang ada mandirinya since tertulis udah nggak ada. Masalahnya lagi minat gue kepecah di ipa dan ips, padahal gue ga bakal kuat ipc, dan dua-duanya fakultas favorit. Pokoknya gue cuma sanggup ipa atau ips murni. Berarti mesti mantepin salah satu dari itu... Parbet senin udah kelas 3 tapi arah idup masih gajelas. Istikharah deh... Bismillah. Anywaysss daripada stres sebelum waktunya (pa...

Ballad of the Moron

It was bright until the light is out There was laughter before turned into tantrums There was time filled with colors, then suddenly drowned by the cold monochrome Questioning, when you know what's the answer Taking guesses, when you know how that would end But you blinded by those things people say Finding comfort behind the mystery of time "Just so you wait, it will be worth" You failed to close your ears, so you let it controls your mind Patient, wasn't the key You wait anyway, with a forced guts You're under the spell, in which unrealistic is what makes sense Hope slowly eats you up inside And then the time has come All of your fears finally revealed Awaken by the bitterness So why so surprised? It's with you all these time So why feeling let down? You never moved an inch, it's where you belong All you could do is embracing the silence Staring to empty space Cause there's nothing left You've not been blind nor deaf You...

Either Way

"Tell me your three most vivid memories." you asked me that night. We were only started talking for a few weeks that time. I remember telling you the boring stories from my childhood and the life-changing moment of finally watching Coldplay live, because let's be honest, my memory sucked --unless it involved something that triggered my emotions deeply. When it was your turn, you told me those great moments of your life when you live abroad and that one holiday where you drove Fiat Panda in Mallorca. I always love how you told your stories; simple yet very detailed and thorough -just like how you report your analysis at work. That night, I secretly wished that one day I would be in one of those memories that lingers so vividly in your head. But yeah, no chance, right? The only picture of us together was that one where the coffee shop owner took our photo secretly and sent it over to my friend, the one where my face is all covered with my hair. And everything I write about...

[Untitled]

Love is just a game, they said Hell, life IS just a game Running, stumbling, falling Looking for something makes sense We live in a classic magic trick Silly hallucinations, invading our lungs We respire the oxygen of nonsense Each breathe makes us sick So tell me, is this why this called a game? No fun, no glory Losing, the only choice we had That's why they call me loser Keep on losing, keep on losing You're an illusion in my daydream Stood in front of silent promises Where there's nothing for me to earn Wake me up, let me run the night You gave me summer under the pouring rain You taught me to be wise while you brought the childhood senses back It was so great, it was so great So untrue, so fast Was it ever there? Or am I hallucinating What to earn, what to believe Sorry I'm clueless So fool me no more Or taught me to be reckless instead Don't meet me halfway Meet me where the path ends Or we could start all over again Life is f...

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