bəˈnɑːnə

Have you ever did a real bad thing in your life and live with a constant guilt afterwards, that you thought every single bad thing that keeps happening to you is just the way of universe punishing you -and that you deserve every tiny part of the pain? I can't really recall when was the first time I start living with this horrible mindset weighing me, but it does took me months of repetitive small unnecessary breakdowns to finally losing it last night and cry the shit out over The Strokes' Is This It -alone in my hotel room, thinking I am so done with universe punishing me and shit. I snapped last night and when I was finally too tired to continue crying, I thought to myself that maybe universe was actually never that evil, maybe I did this to myself, maybe the things that break me are just a product of my own belief -believing that I need to suffer from every cosmic surprise that went south from my own expectation and immediately perceiving it as another form of life punishme...