bəˈnɑːnə

Kamu tau, kalau kamu selalu membuatku ingin berkata-kata? Meskipun hampir semua yang terlontar getir, tapi aku menyimpanmu dengan manis di antara lembaran kata yang tidak akan pernah kamu baca --yang kadang-kadang menggerogotiku dari dalam. Lebih baik tidak ada yang tau, termasuk juga kamu, karena memang tidak ada yang perlu tau. Dan sekonyol apapun ini terdengar, aku harap suatu saat kamu terbangun dari tidurmu, kemudian ada suatu rasa baru yang menyusup di rongga dadamu. Karena saat itu -untuk pertama kalinya- mimpi kita beresonansi. dari renungan sepanjang Cipularang

I don't know if it's just me or rainy season makes people's mind to wander more often, especially when I'm alone like in this past few hours. Besides the fact that I'm leaving Bandung today and unavoidably leaving lots of LFM things going on, there's also this thought that lingers. It's been a few weeks now and I still can't shake this funny yet awkward feeling. The more I think about it, the weirder it gets. It's something that I can't hold yet something that I can do nothing about. Pffft. It's still a pretty "agætis byrjun" tho.

I'm waking up to an empty feeling this morning and then my head got kicked -so hard- by reality with the fact of what had been missing in my life recently (and reluctantly): communication. Communication...that's what I'm lacking of since I moved to Bandung, mostly with people who were really close to me and those I used to share my daily life with, now I barely know their lifes -vice versa. It's frustating... I used to be best at communicating and keeping a relationship (friends and families) stable, and now I'm the one who jump off the boat and make the ship sink. And some holidays in Jakarta doesn't make me capable of catching up some things and cleaning my own mess. Fuck college life. It's hard to keep balance in your old and new life, even harder when you do it alone, and when you're out of control -you lose it all. I don't even have a boyfriend yet I can't even make a friendship work out. God. It sucks how I know nothing about my bestfriends...